| Yo Sample, It's Hamza
Recently I've been doing some more introspective work to 'find myself'
I've thought a lot about the girls I've dated and how those relationships were, how I behaved etc.
I've spoke to two of my ex girlfriends and done some more research on relationships, love and attachment.
I think you're gonna want to read this entire email.
I remember what my dating / sexual life used to be like...
I'd feel hype hooking up with girls from nightclubs or dating apps.
But when I'd have this girl in front of me, all I wanted was a deeper connection and love.
And so I'd pull girls who were attracted to the fuckboy side of me, and then want something deeper from them.
This is actually a huge issue...
Because the girls I'd eventually get feelings for?
You guessed it, they were 'normal' girls.
Meeting girls and immediately sleeping with them generally filters out all of the higher quality, relationship potential women.
Your future girlfriend is hopefully not rampantly hooking up is she?
So then why are we hooking up with girls and acting like we can transition that into a high quality LTR?
Essentially I was going to a nightclub, hoping to hookup with a girl that night but really hoping to escalate that into a fulfilling relationship...
I was looking for a girlfriend in a nightclub.
LOL.
I've had a negative view of dating and serious relationships and looking back now it's because I've always made the wrong choice.
I would always have an awesome time with these girls, otherwise we'd never progress things that seriously.
But the foundation which the relationship was built upon was weak.
The girls had a lot of traits that I never wanted in a serious girlfriend.
I remember in our hookup stage that I would always think to myself "she is not girlfriend material, at all"
And yet, I'd still get attached.
I'll drop my ego and say that I think this was because of scarcity and me being low value.
If I had 10 high value girls, would I really get feelings for and commit to these girls?
No.
It gets lonely and we cling on to whatever woman is giving us a sense of love and connection.
Even if she isn't actually good for us.
Yesterday I realised that since relationships have some of the biggest effects on us (or at least me)
It's worth the intention to 'level up'
And so I am going to level up my actual relationship skill.
I've already spent years levelling up my dating, hooking up skill.
But I never put any intention at all in learning how to actually choose the right partner, how to love properly.
I bet you haven't either.
Isn't that crazy?
We spent 10 years learning about 18th century history, but not how to connect with a woman in a healthy way.
I've started reading books on this and I'll be emailing you some nuggets of wisdom as I learn them.
1 thing I've learnt already from the YouTube channel School Of Life is that our feelings are actually not reliable to choose our partners. The person who excites us is usually not the person who'd be good for us. I found that very interesting and I can think back to women who I never found exciting, who I never even considered for a serious relationship... who were such high quality, relationship worthy women.
That's a regret of mine that hopefully you can learn from.
Just because she doesn't excite you or make you overthink doesn't mean that she wouldn't be a fantastic compliment to your life.
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